Well... WOO HOO!!

60 days today!!! It's bitter sweet I guess.. I'm sober, alive, and moving forward; yet empty, alone, and beat all at the same time. I don't think I've ever fully acknowledged / accepted how much of a problem I have with faith and trust. And I wonder why no one has had any in me, haha? If anyone reads this, please pray for my wife and kids as they're putting their lives back together as well. What comes out of an orange if squeezed?? Most people think it's orange juice, but that's the wrong answer. You won't ever know until you squeeze it. I think that's why purging is so painful, you really get to see what's inside...

Woo Hoo!!

30 days today!

A new week

Motivation is a tricky thing. Why do we do whatever we choose to do? Is every motive justified as long as the outcome is the goal? I know all the cliches for motivation, but going through this has made me really sit and think about my motives. I've always known that motives change and shifts your goals but I've never accepted that for myself. Maybe because I'm too lazy or maybe because by looking at my true motives it exposes my true selfish goals. My goals are changing and I'm having a hard time allowing that to motivate me. That's the most I've ever used that word in one paragraph, haha. I need to be drink from the right fountain.

Friday

I've been on a path that leads to nowhere for a couple of years and haven't cared at all. The truth is that path led to to somewhere and it's here. I'm here and ready to be on that new path, to where ever it leads. Seems like I cause damage either way. I believe in redemption, but do accept my consequence. I can't worry about things I can't control any longer. Why is that the toughest thing to accept? "All Within My Hands", right?

Man

Ive got to make some changes, now. I appreciate everyone that's been praying for me and sending encouraging letters. Please pray for my wife and kids, they're dealing with much worse and they've done nothing wrong. They've loved me and dealt with my crap for years. If you don't mind saying a prayer for them I would appreciate it.

Ho Hum

Had a pretty good day with my dad today, hung out and went to a movie. Unknown was pretty good the first time it came out, it was called the "Bourne" series, haha. By the way, surviving Marti Gras while getting sober should add at least a year of sobriety for me... I'm just saying. 22 days today and I'm alive, and I've never been happier about that.

Another Day

21 days today and I feel about as empty and alone, if not more so, as I was feeling 6 months ago. Where do I go from here? What do I do from here? My desire to return back to what I was doing has been minimal at best, and that scares me a little. This isn't easy, but me and complacency don't work so well together. I'm ready for some sort of chaos, or I'm going to go stir crazy.